I embodied everything in my mind, pulling them into reality and trapping them in my entire boring life. Now they are no different than victims locked in a serial killer's room. Of course, I would like to host them in a room with cleaner walls, in a house with pleasant smells, and in an apartment whose corridors are not dirty with dirt. I would like to let them sleep on soft pillows and give them hot meals when they get hungry. I wish they would see flowers in front of them when their eyelids opened, and wake up to the humming sounds as mysterious as shallow waters. The giant, dark creature inside me won't allow any of this. It tries to take over every place and every body with its limbs that have a fluid spirit.
I have tusked beings chasing furry animals jumping over wooden fences. The ingrown hairs on my nerve endings and hair follicles are as full of blood as bite size. I'm dancing to an atomic bomb ready to explode. I'm trying to fall asleep in the strong smell of rotting things and catch up on the next day. I live with a pain that travels inside me and will not stop tearing my upper body to pieces in order to get out. I have an integrity that grows instead of shrinking as it disintegrates, and the ties between them become tighter as they move further away from each other. My inner voice, which I try to listen to, has given up hope on me and is looking for other solutions.
*Melancholia: A term used in Ancient Greece to describe deep sadness or depression. This word was used to define a mood disorder believed to be caused by an excess of black bile (melas).
November, 2023 by Demon Ego